Do you think that homeschooled children will lack the social skills to interact with the rest of society?

Question

I have been homeschooling for 7 years. In my opinion I think my kids are doing well socialy amoung other kids thier age, both homeschool and those who are enrolled in traditional schools. I do however notice that some kids outside our homeschool circles, are more disrespectful, use quite a bit of foul language, talk more about sex, ect. at an earlier age. Do traditionally educated children have more social skills than homeschooled children? Or are tradional school children just over exposed to SOCIAL PROBLEMS?

I am curious about what others think.

Answer 1

Studies have shown that home schooled children are more successful academically and socially in college. Or at least that's what I heard or read somewhere a few years ago when I was considering homeschooling my 3.

Answer 2

Teaching in the public school system for 7 years I witnessed large numbers of "socialized" children. Many people use the socialization term as an argument against homeschooling. I do not want the government or other children socializing my children. When I compare my observations of socialized school children and home schooled children the homeschoolers win out. Years ago families took on the role of socialization. Children played with their siblings and that was enough. Parents weren't running around making sure their children were involved in a sport every season. I would have to say children and parents had contentment which is something that is lacking today.

Answer 3

Many, but not all, are just over exposed to social problems. I was in the public school system for 11 years. I was homeschooled for the last two years of high school (amounting to nine months homeschooling). It is pathetic (this has actually happened) when a seven year old girl is repeatedly propositioned by a boy in her class. That happens more often than people think or are willing to admit. There are nine year olds getting pregnant--something is wrong here. I was thinking about, when I have children, enrolling them for grade school, and homeschooling them for junior high and high school, but I'm to the point that I don't think I want to do that. Children need a childhood, but most are growing up way too fast. I know of five and six year olds, even, who have been propositioned. Children that age even bring guns to school and take drugs. They start using foul language even earlier than that (for many children, they learn it from parents, but others learn it from classmates). It is just ridiculous. I went to a country school--there weren't even 300 people, pre-kindergarten through seniors. It was bad, although not as bad as many places, there.

Whether or not a homeschooled child has social problems depends entirely upon the parents and child. Some parents make it just about impossible for the child to socialize. Some children refuse to socialize. Other parents find a happy medium. Others spend, in some people's minds, too much time socializing.

I would love to know how people view going to public school, where you are not allowed to talk very much (I was there. I know.) gives you social skills. It does not. I became much more social after I was homeschooled because I was able to get out and talk to people.

Answer 4

I really believe that kids are born with their basic personality types: my son is shy and introverted even though he attended preschool from age 3 and then Kindergarten and 1st grade. School never made him more outgoing and helped his social skills, except he learned a few negative ones: hitting and some bad words (which he dropped when we quickly switched him to a better preschool).



My daughter has always been outgoing, talkative, and extroverted although she has always been homeschooled and never attended school. I believe it is because she was born with that personality type, not because of homeschooling.



I think they would have had the same personality types: my son shy and introverted, my dd outgoing and talkative no matter what type of schooling they attended. The only difference I've noticed is that some children sometimes do seem to pick up negative social skills in the school or preschool setting, like hitting, swear words, etc. My home schooled children may not be as used to "strange situations" or bullying, but I don't really want them to be.



In response to the teacher that notes the homeschooled kids seem to want more attention than the public schooled kids. I would not be surprised about that. In homeschooling, they probably have been getting close to a 1:1, 2:1 or 3:1 student-teacher ratio and then they suddenly move to a high school ratio of most likely around 30:1 to 40:1. I'm sure that would take an adjustment time to get used to such a huge change. They basically have to get used to little to no attention from the teacher because of the large classroom size; and apparently no one has told them that yet. These children are not being rude; just don't understand that the teachers don't really have much quality time to teach them in the high school classroom setting!

Answer 5

I am a homeschool graduate, and I have noticed a lot of differances between homeschoolers and "traditional" schoolers, though I must admit that there are problems in both the homeschool and regular school comunity. I personally have no trouble in society outside of home, though I do have some trouble with a few of my friends because I view some of the things they do immature, and quite stupid. Though I have a couple other friends who have been homeschooled their whole life and when put out in a situation they really dont know what to do. I have had a friend randomly walk up to someone and start talking to them, Im not saying all people are bad but you just dont do that....at least not when your a young teenager.



So basicly I think that its up to the parents to decide what is too much in their eyes for the children to be expossed to. Though I think it is just as important for the child to know what happens in the real world and not everyone is going to be nice or be your friend. So, about the social side of it, I woudl just suggest sending them someplace to have interaction, like for me it is dance class, or music.



Hope this helps some.

Answer 6

As someone who has been homeschooled all my life and is now a functioning part of regular society, I think I can safely say that the socialization issue is not a big concern for homeschooling. You should seek as many social opportunities for you children as possible (as long as it's something they enjoy and are interested in - and don't worry too much about the "people their own age" part, I was friends with people of all ages growing up and never encountered a problem with it), but all in all I feel that the balance is toward public school children being over-exposed to social problems rather than homeschoolers being under-exposed to social benefits. I know a lot of people who are homeschooled and they've all had a positive experience with it, including the quality of their social development.

Answer 7

I think hs kids are very well socialized. They interact with adults and are more polite. I briefly had my 2 hs girls in swimming lessons with public school children and their behaviour was appalling. I think also that the children who are homeschooled generally come from homes that value family and education and that definitely has an impact on their behaviour. Unfortunately, public school attitudes and morals have a tendency to sink to the lowest common denominator as does their educational standards.

Yes. also the negative impact of tv is exhibited in ps children. Most homeschoolers limet the television watched and are more critical of their viewing. The family and church guide the moral development of the hs child. Or even just the family, if they are not church goers. Huge difference when the peer pressure is removed, children often are aware that some behaviours are inappropriate but they must adopt them in order to survive on the playground. And yes, ps is a net that catches all, troubled children, neglected children, abused children and ill children; put them all in a school room and it is the survival of the fittest and that includes the teacher.

Answer 8

When was the last time you were in a social situation with only people of your age?

In my daily life I am in contact with all ages, races, and backgrounds. If anything homeschooled kids are better at social skills. You know they are able to speak with adults!



I have yet to see a group of public school students, with the manners or skills to eat at a nice restaurant. McDonald's is a stretch for them.



Their government paid babysitters haven't taught them some of the most basic skills, like manners, conversation skills, .... The parents leave it up to the educators to teach all areas, now.



In general I have found most of the people I know who chose to homeschool, do it for the quality of having a well educated and behaved adult. The by-product is most homeschoolers can converse with most people in most situations.



Since when does an 11 year old need to talk about sex? This is considered "normal" in public school these days.

Answer 9

I think homeschooled children do tend to be more mannerly and respectful. This comes from several things....first, you are obviously an active parent and a concerned one who is willing to take a leadership role in your children's lives instead of just shipping them off to school all day. Second, they are not as exposed to as much garbage at home as they are at school. If you are worried about your child having the social skills needed to succeed in life then make sure they are exposed to outside interests and that their whole world is not home. Our community has sports leagues, cheerleading, etc specifically for homeschooled children and this gives them the opportunity to interact with other children (probably with some of the same values as your family). I don't think that by "knowing more" about sex, foul language and stuff like that that I would consider them having more social skills. Congratulations on caring enough to provide this wonderful experience for your family!

Answer 10

Level of social skills has a lot to do with personality and brain chemistry. Yes we are social creatures, but our level of sociability varies.



I for instance have Asperger's Syndrome. I am an extrovert who loves to be around people, but I don't pick up on social cues very easily. I would probably have been much better off in a home schooled environment, not so I could avoid people, but so my parents would have been there to help me recognize social cues and to correct problems in the way I interacted with others.



Of course people with a high sociability level also do well in home school because they make friends wherever they go anyway.



In general, I think that, when it is done right, home schooled children tend to have better social skills than their public school peers.



Homeschoolers have more time to spend on socialization because it takes fewer hours to educate one on one than it does to educate in a classroom.



Because homeschoolers are involved in a wide variety of activities, they learn to interact with people with a much wider variety of ages, cultures, and backgrounds.



Having parents nearby during social interaction means that parents can help their child work through small social problems before they become big problems.

Answer 11

Your question is worded quite interestingly. "...will they lack the social skills to interact with the rest of society?"



I think if you look closer at the children coming out of the public school system today you will see that they, in fact, are not getting the social skills to interact with the rest of society. They are put in little controlled environments with children their age only. How does that prepare them to interact with the real world? They are led by one adult, who tells them what to think, how to act, and even when to go to the bathroom. Most of the kids hate having to be there, but have no choice.



I agree with the answer that the kids will develop their social skills more from their parents than any other influence. You have to admit that all kids in school are not at the same social level?



I can share my experience. I have 5 children, who have been homeschooled all their lives. I have a 15 year old boy, who is very intellectual. He has always seemed very shy to me, but strangely is always the leader of any group he associates with (church, scouting, social groups). He has always had friends, but he didn't hang out very much, until recently. I also have a 14 year old daughter. She is absolutely a lady. She is poised and elegant and she has many friends. She also seems to be the leader when in a group. My 11 year old daughter has always been extremely social. I thought she would hate being at home, but she loves it. She always finds ways to be with her friends after school. She loves to talk and be involved in everything!! I have two young sons and they both love playing with friends.



I had some fears at first, but watching through the years, I've come to be "a believer." They can associate very well with people of all ages. They can hold wonderful conversations with adults and kids alike - they don't think they can only associate with kids their age.



I admit that my kids do not act like other teenagers. They are easy to get along with, and we have a wonderful relationship. They seem to be more grounded and happy then most adults. They have no lack of friends nor activities to attend. Many of my friends are "jealous" of our relationship. Other families have started homeschooling because of how my kids treat each other and how well-adjusted they are.



This shouldn't be a problem for you.

Answer 12

The home schooled kids I knew and have grown up with are now nearing 30 and are some of the most socially adept and well rounded people you will find.

Most of us are happily married and have greatly successful lives, both socially and with our careers.

I think the social card is growing old now that there is an entire generation of home school graduates living quite successfully out in the real world. We are raising the next generation of successful homeschoolers now.



If you don't have to deal with the drugs, sex, and violence of public schools it most definitely helps you live a productive life after you finish school......

Answer 13

I think you are right about traditional school children being over exposed to social problems. As long as your children are spending at least half thier time in the company of other children, they probably have good social skills. You talk about experiences with children outside your homeschool circles so I think your children are getting suficient experience with different kinds of children as well.

Answer 14

As a public school teacher I have seen home schooled children enroll in public school for the first time in their early teens. The only thing I have noticed is that some of those home schooled students are impatient and want the teacher's undivided attention. They also sometimes have a problem with basic school rules. It is hard to know if these same children would behave in a similar manner if they had been in public schools all along. Some children have poor social skills regardless of their educational background.

Answer 15

If you call the items you are referring to in your question; dis-respectfulness, foul language, and talk about sex at a much younger age, positive social skills, then I may be missing the boat!



Over exposed to many social problems may be closer to the truth.



We should just answer our children's questions when they are ready to ask them, not steal their "childhood" by exposing them to topics just because somebody thinks it's a good idea to have some kind of information, or prevention program. :(



Social skills are acquired over time; by being placed in positive environments with people of all ages; ranging from 2 to 72, as well as people of all walks of life.



You do not learn social skills by being exposed to a multitude of "topic's" in a school setting, assemblies, or through educational "infomercials"; certainly not if the follow-up advice givers are those who are of the same age or maturity level, or lack there of.



If you are interested in finding out how home school students fair; a good place to check, may be the National Home School Education Research Institute; Dr. Ray has done a great deal of research on these topic's, you may find his research very interesting reading, and it just may put the whole socialization question to rest.

http://www.nheri.org/

Answer 16

I am 14 and homeschooled. I have no social inactivity. I work at our local stable, farmers market, and today I volenteered at a nursing home. I lack nothing. I have noticed that other homeschoolers are better at interacting with all age groups rather than just theirs like the B&M kids. Rather than being plunked in your age group without much teacher or any adult care at all. I'm not saying that this is how it is with all people. It is not a proven fact that all teachers and parents don't care, because obviously mine do. They cared enough to pull me from the B&M system to home school me. I just noticed that I enteract with everyone and the B&M kids don't and when they do it's very stiff and uncomfortable.

Answer 17

The part "will lack" kind of made me smirk. My homeschooled children aren't lacking social skills now, so I don't see why they would lack them later on.



While many naysayers seem to think that being able to talk about the latest music and fashion is what social skills are. Those aren't social skills. Public schooled children, ime, definitely discuss more mature things at a younger age. I don't feel that the social scene at school is really that great!

Answer 18

No. I am a homeschooling student and a freshman in high school. I am in sports, go to church and I have friends of various ages. I do go up to the school to do track and their are a lot of kids there so I do see people everyday. And most of them go to Public School! I am surrounded by people that love me and some that don't. But that is how we homeschoolers learn how to cope with people we don't necessarily like. Although I sometimes miss going to a public school everything works out in the end.

Answer 19

Let's look at the big picture:

1. Homeschooled kids outperform public and private schooled kids on standardized tests which the public schools now train their kids to do well on.

2. They are better socialized, learning to interact with people of all ages and backgrounds. This is unlike public schooled kids who generally scorn younger kids, avoid interacting with adults and follow the "cool" kids like sheep. Thus homeschoolers are truly socialized while public schoolers learn peer dependence where they MUST wear the right clothes, say the right words, have the right attitudes, listen to the right music, watch the right movies and tv, have the right friends, etc, in order to fit in and be accepted. How sad for them.

3. Public schools now spend too much time indoctrinating kids on issues and subjects which don't belong in schools, hence they are failing at teaching the REAL subjects. (the US is near the bottom of the industrialized world in test performance)

Result: Homeschooled kids are generally better prepared for college and life as they are better educated in a more real world situation and are able to interact with people of all ages and backgrounds. The proof is there. Many colleges, universities and employers now seek out homeschoolers as a result of the above. And, yes the NEA does oppose homeschooing. They are embarassed that moms who are not "trained professionals" have better results than "trained professional" school teachers do. Lastly, don't fall for the lack of socialization argument. Most homeschoolers I meet (and I meet many) are better able to interact with me than most public school drones are.

4. It's my job to raise and train them up. If I don't homeschool them, I am delegating that duty to the government in the form of public school (the Govt. does very few things well)

5. It keeps us family centered, not culture centered. Yes, we live and function in the culture, but as a family. Many kids see family as the outsiders, the uncool, the annoyances and obstacles to fun. They learn this attitude in school, which is often like a prison where the inmates run the show.

Answer 20

I was homeschooled K-12 and am now a junior in college, and I have never had anyone ask me if I was homeschooled. In fact, most people are surprised when I tell them I was! THey usually say something like, "Wow! You seem so normal! I couldn't even tell!" As sad as it is most people expect homeschoolers to look and act like aliens.



And to Matthew L, I don't have any friends that attended a school that got scholarships for college. They all had to take out loans. Meanwhile, most of my homeschooling friends have multiple scholarships, or even full rides.

Answer 21

I know home schooled kids with good manners and home schooled kids with terrible manners. I know public school kids and adults who have done well and some who have been terribly "damaged" by their school and social experiences. I know kids who are very confident and knowledgeable about worldly things, and kids who are very, very shy and seemingly naive, from all types of schools. Much depends on the parents and home environment, who the kids play with, what their basic personality style is and how the people in their lives have "rewarded" or "punished" their social attempts.

Home schooled kids might not know how to stand in line, raise their hands, or allow another to answer a question first. They also may not know how to suppress their intelligence, how to just "get by" on an assignment, how to pass notes or disrupt the class, or how to "fit in" to the popular crowd. This can be good or bad, depending on your values. It's not that different from kids in the country vs. kids in the city, kids from certain religious backgrounds, or even kids who like certain types of activities and despise others. We are all "different" and should celebrate that fact.

But also, kids learn fast. Every state, country, family, job, social situation, etc, requires learning a new set of rules and behaviors. Home schooled kids tend to get a unique and slightly protected environment, which can make them seem "weird," but they also come out more confident and able to adapt to a variety of people and situations as adults, rather than just being comfortable in a classroom and with same-aged peers. Our country talks about diversity - well, homeschooling contributes to that!

Answer 22

My kids are not homeschooled, though I often wish we could.



As long as you provide the foundation for your kids to get that social interaction outside the home (play groups and other social events within the local homeschool community or within your neighborhood), then the only real thing they're missing out on is school culture (for all the good and bad - mostly bad, in my opinion) - NOT the ability to function healthily in social circles.



We try to raise our kids in a healthy environment. My older two are 7 and 9, in 1st and 4th grade. We don't let them watch R-rated movies, and watch select PG-13 with them to explain things. We don't buy them trashy music or stuff them with junk food. They don't watch much TV (by their own choice), and when they do, it's usually nature shows, cooking shows (go figure!) or other non-pop-culture type things. My wife and I do introduce them to pop-culture stuff (some music, movies, etc.) on our own terms, or when they ask. As a result, they're KIDS. They ask great questions, and know right from wrong. But they're always coming home from school with stories of their friends watching inappropriate movies ("Um, no, sweetie, your 4th grade friends should NOT be watching "Wedding Crashers!") or listening to graphic music, and sometimes they're ostracized for it. Kids exclude them from a lot of playground discussions, tease about clothes ("What? You mean you don't shop at Limited, Too? Wowww..."), etc.



And, by the way, they go to a Catholic school, not a public one.



So...depending on what you expose your kids to, THAT's the sort of thing they're missing out on!



All I can say is - good for you for doing this great thing for your kids - I'm envious!!! :)

Answer 23

My answer to that would be NO! because there is a lot of social problems that are cause in the past by the way the school system has handle kids in the past. One every good example of this is school systems are mosley interested in school sports rather the real propose should be...... like reading writting and math an so on.......

Answer 24

My husband was homeschooled as a child because he was ridiculed by the other children at a very early age. I hate to say he was smarter, but let's say he was more advanced in his studies. Whether they were jealous or just plain hated him, I don't know.

I can say that my husband is a very shy person, but doesn't come from a shy family. My husband was not socialized when he wasn in home school, and I feel that is one reason why he is the way he is today. I think it is great that you socialize your children. It is such an important aspect as they get older. This will benefit them in their adult working lives as well as friendships and dating. As an answer to your question, No, I don't believe they are more socialized, but I do believe it is your responsibility to get kids their age around them so they can learn about the world and how to build relationships. You are doing great, and I think it is great that you are homeschooling your children.

Answer 25

If you have your children involved in a lot of extrcurricular activities where they get adequate social interaction, such as sports, 4-H, church, scouts, etc, then they will probably be fine. However if your children are too sheltered then when they do come into contact with the pressures of other people their age, they may not be able to cope well with those pressures.

Answer 26

I have known many home schooled children and have never observed social problems in any of them. They tend to be more mature and a great deal more respectful than kids who have been in daycare and public school. It is a refreshing difference and if you have a group of mixed kids together you can always spot the home schooled kids because of their manners, maturity and advanced skill levels. Kudos to you for being committed to giving your children a superior education! I only wish I could have done the same for mine.

Answer 27

No, no, no, I don't think that at all, obviously!

But, after reading countless answers on this topic I am left wondering why people do not worry about the social implications of publicschool children that are not involved in extra curricular activities.

I see several children on my block that walk to school well after their parents have left for work, walk home to an empty house and stay inside all evening until their parents return around 6-6:30 (yes, I'm the neighborhood busy body, it's my job to notice these things, lol)

I would venture to say my neighborhood is not unusual. And the same goes for highschool students. Our local highschool gets out at 4:00 and by 4:15 all the little online icons on myspace start lighting up on the student pages and they stay on all evening, clearly indicating they are at home surfing the net instead of interacting with society.

The point I'm trying to make is that it is established that publicschool environments are not normal representations of society. That scene is not replicated anywhere else.

So, why aren't the people that are on here saying they "find homeschooling acceptable as long as..." (like we need approval) singing the same song over and over and over and over and over and over to publicschool parents.

"Ah" you say, "publicschool students are socialized because they are filling little league fields, and youth football fields, and boy/girl scout troops" and many other activities.

They are getting out there and socializing because their parents care enough to sign them up for karate lessons, and soccer leagues and take them to plays and museums and sporting events and the library and on and on.

Weird.

so do homeschool parents.

Answer 28

not necessarily....I believe that, if you home school, you should try to get your children involved in activities with other children outside of the home....if they are interacting with other children then there should be no problem. Besides, a LOT of children who go to traditional schools are FAR from possessing needed social skills.

Answer 29

I think the children in traditional schools learn about things a lot faster than others. My children go to a Christian Private School and they don't know and I don't want them to know things that their cousins in public school I know they will know but when they do they will be older and wiser so it should be easier to explain. Plus we are active in our church so our kids are around a lot of other kids both in public and private school.

Answer 30

i do not think it is bad if children are home schooled- only if, they still have thier outside friends, and do things outside, and be sheltered most thier life.



i do agree that other children who arent home school-ed, lack certain manners kids of today need to have.



yes you could say that traditionally educated children have more social skills than homeschooled children, only because they are given more materials to deal with, and if the child being homeschooled was a an only child, then i would suggest enrolling him or her, in a sport activity team, liek soccer or maybe basketball, to have the option of dealing with other children

Answer 31

I was homeschooled before and I loved it. Homeschooling ,as I can say, has a very clean enviroment. Public schools are much more roudy and "unclean".

This is just my thought. I miss homeschooling much.

Answer 32

Sounds like your kids get along well with those of other age groups, that's all that matters.

Answer 33

DEFINATLEY!! School is where people usually only socialize! And if they socialize out of school it's with friends they met in school!

Answer 34

ya know Wat??? I'm home schooled too an it bugs me when peeps say I'm unsocialized but hey people r surprised when i like i have a conversation wit someone i don't know or w/e ..........i think tat public an private school kids r the socially awkward kids.....lol they just stay in their Lil groups........lol ya there was a test umm i don't know who did the test but they put a buncha kids ina group rite an the homeschool kids were more social wit the other kids than teh publlic schoolers.....lol

Answer 35

I dont necassarlly think homeschool kids lack social skills but you lack reality. yes kids who are not homeschool learn and experience things at a lot younger age but thats life. its not a bad or good thing its socity our socity but when homeschool children are let out in the real world i think they will lack memories experiences good or bad. you learn from your own mistakes and experiences. you can be told something over and over but until you experience it, it doesnt mean anything. of course on the other hand homeschool kids can say public school kids are lacking certain skills as well it can go either way. i think for the majority homeschool children are raised on a basis opioion because they are learning from one person. in public schools are have a lot of different teachers and different point of views to learn from.

Answer 36

We had some home-schooled children show up my sophomore year of high school. They'd always been home-schooled and were being exposed to public schooling for the first time. They were TOTALLY BIZARRE. Yes, public school exposes children to more issues, but it also teaches them how to interact with people that are far different from themselves. They learn body language and how to deal with strange situations. Your children may not be getting this, unless they spend a lot of time in public places after 'school' where they can interact with others.



Keeping your children out of school to keep them away from 'social problems' is saying that you don't trust your children to know or learn right from wrong, in my opinion. It's a learning situation. Trail-by-fire, if you will. And I never did learn from being told. I learned much better and much faster when it came to the fire.



'Ohhhh, so THAT's why they told me not to do that...'

Answer 37

That is the reasons most people rather not home school their children. As well it is such a tremendous responsibility to teach your child each subject is hopes they get an understanding that allows them to excel. My hat is off to anyone with the guts to try it . Myself I would be to afraid I would ruin their chances for scholarships in the future when competing with other children who have had teachers all of their lives.

Answer 38

i think that homeschooling is acceptable as long as your children meet others and join out of school related clubs...such as brownies or swimming clubs etc

Answer 39

i think so becouse they don't have friends in school